As depressing as that sounds, I know this is going to be healthy for me.
The last 3 summers have been spent with some guy apart of my life somehow. Not necessarily dating, but so called “talking” or whatever… Either way those summers were spent being dependent on a guy to be all that I needed. Well, this summer is going to be the complete opposite. The Lord has called me to be completely alone in ever sense of the word.
Seriously though. Alone. Even right now, I am sitting completely alone in my house. All my close girl friends are in different places. I am not talking to any guy. My family is still at work and in school. And I’m alone. Now of course it won’t be that way the entire summer. I plan to hangout with my friends and family. But this morning it really hit me how alone I felt. It won’t be for long, but I’m going to have moments like this through out the summer. I don’t have someone tangibly with me or someone I’m constantly talking to. I’m not going to be dependent on a guy. I’m not going to be dependent on my best friends. The Lord is completely stripping away people in order for me to be intimate with Him.
Challenging? Yes. Scary? Yes. Lonely? Yes. But that is how it needs to be right now. I want Him to fill every void. I want to depend solely on Him and who He is. I want Him to be the one I am completely intimate with. No distractions. No other people. Just Him. It’s time to pour myself into prayer, the Word, and spending time with only Him. Sure, my emotions get the best of me. I’ve already started missing certain people. People that I once depended on. But they aren’t apart of my life right now, and as much as it hurts, it’s how it’s supposed to be.
To be honest, I’m both scared and excited. I have no idea what this will all look like. It scares me how fast so many things have changed. I don’t know what to expect at all. I hate it, but at the same time it is going to be a huge growing season in my life. When I really think about it, I get excited to see what it will look like when I’m completely whole and content in my Savior. I’ve never felt something like that. I’ve always had other people doing that for me, but not anymore. The Lord is going to be all I need and more, and I can’t wait to feel it. To see it. To experience it. Once I look past the difficulties, I see growth. I see maturity. There isn’t anything else I could need or want.
Here’s to the summer of 2012.
"it’s just You and me here now."