Beauty from Ashes

we’ll never know.

is it weird to become so vulnerable through the web. we write, so others read. why do we care so much? why do we become so personal with a screen, and a world who has never met us? someone once told me that you should only post things that you are willing to have others read. yet, some things are posted that should’ve never been shared. but we do it. because we care so much about others seeing it and creepy enough, people on the web enjoy it. they enjoy reading about people’s personal lives and people enjoy sharing it. 

and then sometimes the web becomes a place to let go. to put down words. to let out all feeling. not for others benefit, but for our own. sure, journals are for that as well. but for some odd reason i find this a safe place to let myself go, even though it is not as safe as we think. but i do it anyways. it’s freeing in a way to share my feelings and thoughts to the world. call it immature or dumb, but here i am and i say screw it. my blog. my feelings. my words. take it or leave it. 

with that said… 

it drives me mad the way a person can change all feeling, all emotion within your body and soul. a look, a touch, a word from their mouth can change your whole mood. it’s mind boggling to think a human being can have that kind of affect on another human being. but i guess that makes sense. you both come from the same kind, therefore can share the same type of feelings and emotions. can a person really have that kind of hold though? or do we allow it? or do we want them to do that to us? because then we’re at least feeling something towards them? who knows. i won’t ever get to a place where i can wrap my head around the idea that someone has that much power. such a power that leaves you feeling so many unexplainable emotions and thoughts. how do we crave and despise someone at the same time? my mind is constantly contemplating my feelings towards someone. because before we know it, they become someone we don’t feel anything towards. and how does that work? do the feelings decide to disappear that quickly? how in the world does it all work? maybe we weren’t created to know. maybe it’s another one of those things that we continually have to surrender to the Lord, hoping He can explain it to us in some way. or maybe leave us to never know and just trust He knows what He’s doing. cause He does. yet i continue to confuse my mind and heart, and am left to wonder where my soul plays into it all… 

emotionally distraught.

i don’t want to sit in these feelings. it only makes things worse. 

but it sucks. it really does. 

what we thought we’d never do.

God has a sense of humor. He enjoys giving you things you said you didn’t want. He calls you to do things you said you would never do. I know this because I am in the midst of His humorous ways right now.

My senior year of high school I visited the college that I currently attend, and I told the Lord while I was there that if I went here I didn’t want to work in the church after I graduated. I don’t want to be a pastor, a worship leader, youth pastor etc. I didn’t want to do ministry the usual “church way”. I stuck by that. I still went to the Bible college expecting to not work in the church. Do not get me wrong, I don’t have any issues with the church and I’m not mad at the church in any way. I just didn’t see myself doing ministry like that. Ministry looked different to me, and to me it didn’t involve the church.

But what if the church finally decided to do ministry differently? What would I do then? What I mean by this is, what if church finally started being a place for un-churched people? I grew up in church. I was born and raised a Christian and the two churches I’ve attended in my life were part of my routine. I get up Sunday morning and go with my family, I go to youth group Wednesday nights, I serve once a month, I spend time with my church family, I hear a great message, participate in a fantastic worship service. It was routine. It was comfortable. That’s not how it should be. That isn’t what church is for. I’m sorry if this offends anyone, but the church isn’t for the found. It isn’t for Christians to have a place to go every Sunday because that’s what Christians are “supposed to do”. It is a place for the found to bring the lost.

It is time for a church to be created for the un-churched people. For the hurt people that think they have no hope. For the broken that want to feel whole.

On that note… I never thought of church planting. But here I am, in the midst of making a decision to commit fully to church planting with my older brother. His vision and his heart is something I see myself being apart of. Not just because he’s my brother, but because he sees church differently then what we’ve grown up in. He sees the church to be the place where we start winning souls for God’s kingdom, where we start raising up leaders and sending them out, where the broken will walk in and not feel judged or condemned but loved unconditionally. How could I not want to be apart of that? That is exactly how I began to view ministry. I was getting tired of the routine church services. I was getting tired of the church being a place for those who grew up in church. I wanted to help lost people. It breaks my heart when I see people lost, with no hope. But I didin’t know a tangible way to help them. If we think about it though, God already told us what we needed to do… “Go and make disciples.” That goes far beyond just a morning Sunday service. It is time to start inviting unsaved people to church. It is time to love them. It is time to raise them up as leaders and send them out to do ministry. It is time to stop being comfortable in church.

Like I was saying… God’s funny. Here I am, totally passionate to work in the church. When everything inside of me 2 years ago didn’t want anything to do with it. But I want it. I need to grow in it. This vision is challenging me. There isn’t anything else I want to do but see broken people come to know Christ. To see the Kingdom of God grow like no has ever seen before. To know that all that happens within this church plant was nothing out of our own doing or power, but it all was God. The glory goes back to Him. As Christians that is what we are here on earth to do. Make disciples for God’s glory. Not attend a church service. And to think, I’m longing to do the exact thing I said I’d never do. But that is what is so great, God knows what is best for us far beyond what we have thought out for ourselves.

it’s time to seek and save the lost.

new. change. seasons. bittersweet.

Those are just a few of the many words that describe the transition my home church is in at the moment.

Today was our last Sunday in the building we have called home for the past 6 years. The church is of course not all about the building, but this place is near and dear to everyone’s hearts. Whether you’ve been there for 6 years or 6 weeks it is still home for many people. I look at this whole situation as bittersweet. We are moving on to something new and God’s plan for The Bridge is going to be great, but at the same time that building has held so many memories. Both good and bad. A lot of growth not only within in the church building, but also with the people attending has occurred in that sacred place. But now it is time to leave.

It is so good for our church family. It is growing our faith. It is growing us closer together as a family. We are being taught to fully surrender and trust the Lord with this whole transition. Sure, we do not know what is ahead, but we know the Lord will guide our steps and in His timing He will reveal His plan. To see the words that were written on the walls of the building showed the fruit of the ministry that took place in this building. There is more to come. This is the end of this chapter, but a new one is beginning. All we can do is have faith, trust Him, and be expectant of all that He will have for us.

As I sat there hours after church actually ended, I remembered everything the Lord took me through in that place. There is so much, I can’t even begin to describe it. I just know that God knows what He is doing. He always does. He makes all things work together for our good. He is faithful. Always.

Here is to a new season. a new chapter. a new beginning.