”Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by… And it hurt man!” - Kid President 3 1/2 weeks have gone by since i last wrote on my blog. and i pictured these last few weeks …
monday musings came back. it’s been quite some time since i’ve written, so here ya go!
- to love because He first loved me
- every new day is an opportunity for me to be more like Jesus
- people hurt you and true forgiveness is difficult
- my value, worth, and significance are not in my relationships
- healthy relationships require honest communication and working hard
- trust takes time
- God loves me right where i’m at, messy, broken, and angry
- we only live one life here on earth, live it well
- how to abide in Jesus daily
i want summer time with family. i want to feel safe. i want roadtrips. i want quality time with quality people. i want to not feel tired. i want to not be afraid. i want to trust.
it’s just not reality right now. and maybe that’s okay.
today. tomorrow. and for the rest of my life.
my mantra for 2014. be brilliant. be brave.
i love new years day. it’s the feeling of a fresh start. a new beginning. the first page of a story.
i also think that new year resolutions are still good for the soul. so, here are mine.
1. Read a Psalm a day - before I left for Christmas break I was talking to a professor who was going through the Psalms. the way she talked about it was so passionate and refreshing. she was learning new things, she was reading chapters of the Bible that she hadn’t before, she was weeping from the joy of the Lord. i want that. so here’s to the Psalms for 2014.
2. Write more - whether it’s in my journal or on this blog, i just want to do it more often. i’m passionate about writing. i feel like my writing is honest and real and i want others to see it. not only that, but i want to see it for myself. i want my writing to be brilliant and i want to be brave enough to let others see it.
3. Stay physically fit and eat healthier - well, isn’t this the looming new years resolution everyone has. if i really succeed at this i will be shocked. but it’s time i be more practical about it all. it’s as simple as running a mile once a week or drinking water every day. it’s not like i have to go sign up for gym membership. i’m just going to take the steps that are practical for me to accomplish this goal. if and when you see me, ask me how i’m doing. i’ll need help with this one.
4. Go to bed before midnight - unless i’m partying hard (which is highly unlikely) i don’t need to be up past midnight for no reason. Pretty Little Liars and facebook can wait another day. sleep is important and if i’m going to bed at a decent hour, waking up will be more refreshing. i like the sound of refreshing mornings.
5. Get a tattoo - ha. this is more a bucket list goal. but i’m really thinking of getting the word joy tattooed when i turn 20. it’s time. i want it. be brave right?
6. Revamp my Spotify - i want to take a good amount of time to make some solid playlists on my spotify. a worship playlist. a dance party playlist. a rainy day playlist. have any suggestions? please send them my way. i’m itching for new music in 2014.
7. Leisurely read 3 books - you must be thinking, really? only 3. okay, i’m a full time college student. leisure reading doesn’t exist throughout the school year. if anything these books will be read during the summer, if that. but i love reading and i miss it dearly. so, this is happening. i’m determined with this one.
8. Stay simple - 2013 was spent with me making things way too difficult for myself. i’m an adult. if things don’t need to be complicated, don’t make it. simplifying my life is much needed. i am blessed with many things and i’m naturally a simple person. no need to be too hard on myself.
9. Work hard in school - i’m paying lots of money for college. it’s time i make the best of my second semester of my junior year and my first semester of senior year. i want to get good grades. i want to be a good leader. i want a good balance of social and education life. i know it’s possible.
10. Serve others. Love well. - always easier said than done. but i think there is something to say about being selfless. the world does not revolve around me, nor should it. this is my take on being more and more like Jesus. this was something He did perfectly and though i will never be able to do that, i’m going to do my best to get as close as possible. people deserve it. people deserve to be served and loved by the hands and feet of Jesus and that is who i’m called to be.
alright. there is my 10.
he just left. and it wasn’t a pretty goodbye. in fact it was really really hard.
but i remind myself that he is more than good for me. he’s everything i need in my life. every hard conversation and disagreement. he is what i need.
and i constantly have to remind myself that. apart from the goodbye, this weekend was sweet with a very sweet man. home isn’t where i live, it’s when i get to be with my family and him in one place. and i’ve realized it doesn’t happen often. so the fact that it’s over makes me sad.
i miss him already.
here’s to sitting in starbucks and being done with all your homework…
- i wish i could buy a peppermint mocha every other day during the fall/winter months.
- i’m an introverted, sensing, feeling, judging individual. thanks Myers-Briggs. thanks.
- is there such a thing as being too in love with someone?
- i facetimed my fam today. i miss them. way too much. 14 more days. i got this.
- i’m itching to find a dress for Fall Social ‘13.
- today, i ran into Reggie C. from back home. i missed that guy.
- starbucks has all things Christmas displayed. uh. hashtag respectdaturkey.
- i haven’t spent time with Jesus in a long time. that needs to change.
- Lucy Rose is the music for my soul lately.
- i’m addicted to Candy Crush. no shame.
- going to a bookstore all by myself sounds grand. i should do that soon.
- thankful for friendships.
- honesty is the best policy, but sometimes it is hard.
- i work tonight from 9:30-12. eh. not really feeling it.
well. here’s to writing nothing very profound but you all get a small glimpse of my mind filled with too many thoughts.
— JJ Peterson
i love Jesus for loving me. especially in the times where i can’t even love myself.
i’m currently experiencing one of the hardest seasons of my life. God is taking me out of all i know to be comfortable and safe. we live in a world with constant change, and i’m not a huge fan. i’ve never been a huge fan.
the Lord is doing this new thing where He’s changing who I am, who I’ve been. and in the midst of that change i began to not like myself very much. i am insecure. i am not living up to my own expectations of myself. i am broken. i am frustrated with the fact that i don’t know who i’m becoming. i’ve been so used to my old self. my old ways of doing relationships. my old ways of worshipping. my old ways of being joyful. my old ways of just being. but God said to me, “Christina, it’s time to mature. to grow. to leave those old ways behind and become someone who does all those things, but just different than how you used to.” so i’m in the midst of a lot of transition both around me and inside of me. it has been so hard. so hard. i hate it. i love it. i’m tired. but God has been so faithful to me.
a good friend told me the best thing i have to offer this world is me. who i am in a real, honest, true form. so here it is. i am human. a human who God adores and loves and wants to instill His heart inside of.
this is my real & honest life. it’s the best i have to offer. in order for others to know that what is real and honest is exactly who God wants us to be.
- the autumn days will finally begin here in Southern California.
- my life is crazy. good. wonderful. hard.
- the weather forecast tells me rain is coming tomorrow.
- i need rest.
- i want to stop being so hard on myself.
- i dream of the day my best friend and i co-write a book.
- i love everything i’m learning here at school.
- i miss home so much it hurts my heart sometimes.
- 73 days till Christmas.
- Sleeping At Last makes my heart happy.
- Spectacular Now is a fantastic movie. go watch it.
- having Megan Forbes on campus has already made me a better person.
- i haven’t felt like myself lately and that is hard for me to recognize.
- Jesus loves me. and i really love Him.
- Donavan is the best thing in my life right now.
- Tori is family. my girl. my go-to. my best friend forever.
- i need to pray more.
- my expectations for myself are too high, lower them Chris. lower them.
- love is worth it. it will always be worth it.
- worship is changing for me. or better yet, worship is changing me.
- the future scares me.
- i need to fight for The Fam. they are my people.
in the midst of a really hard season, i’m on this journey of finding joy again. hope again. love again.
it’s been a while… since i’ve had peace, joy, a desire to write again, happy, content about being at Life Pacific College.
it’s been a while, since i’ve been me.
after much time, many tears, and constant prayer i can finally say i’m feeling peace again. i’m feeling like me again. God has brought me a long way and i still have a long way to go, but i’m thankful. i’m thankful that the God of the heavens continues to refine my being. even in the moments where i feel angry and frustrated with the Lord and the things He is doing in me, the process will always be worth it.
i’m here. i’m trying. i’m growing. and it is all very much difficult,
i’m at peace.